Dating a married man for money

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I ended our dating relationship immediately but continued to talk to him as a friend. I decided that there were 3 things I really wanted in a partner: 1 — treated me well. I love myself too much now to do it again.

Millions of years of evolution means that the lizard brain still rules. I see north ads online with huge lists of requirements then see a morbidly obese, tatooed single mom making the demands. They are lying in most cases because they are the problem not the wife. If he sees you as a valuable woman, he will know that other men are after you, and he will note to make sure that he gets you before someone else does. And reading comprehension is definately not your craft. I beg to disagree. Love is never easy to walk away from without knowing you tried enough, but it can also destroy you. However, the truth is that many solo and even married people are also using the internet as a way to meet new people and to develop relationships.

Getting him to help out with any of the bills was like pulling teeth. Break off the engagement, take a few steps back. You see Anna, you are the very reason why the world is crap.

Dating Men With Money - You have to make them EARN your love and respect.

You may not have set out to fall in love with a married man, but there are times in life when even the most intelligent women find their emotions getting the better of them. Loving and dating a married man can be extremely painful and seldom works out well. Go on dates with other men. He's not giving up everything for you, so you shouldn't give up everything for him either. It will not all be fun and games anymore. Ask him to support you financially, or at least make sure you're getting as much out of it as you're putting in. Don't let him take advantage of you. What you're doing is risky. Own up to the risk. Don't let your relationship with him keep you from seeing other people. There are issues to seriously consider if you think that this man may be the one. This will be a major factor as to whether or not you can ever trust him. No matter how much he loves you, he is obligated to his children, and if you come between him and the kids, he may resent you in the long run. How long have you been seeing this guy? One year is about right when it comes to shifting from playing around to getting serious. Will you still love him as much as you do while things are nothing but fun? Don't Sacrifice Yourself for Him Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness. How many men do you know who are ruining their lives because of a woman? Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man? Men never put their relationships first. At least moderately successful men don't. That is why they are happier than women are. Women have a tendency to meet a guy and then focus their entire lives on him. They will stop thinking about attending school or put business plans on hold after meeting someone who sweeps them off their feet. This is a bad idea even if the guy is not married. But if he is, you have truly just shot yourself in the foot because you have given up a piece of yourself for a someone who belongs to another. You will become more and more resentful over time. Look at your lover boy for what he is and control your emotions. If he is obviously lying to you to keep you available to him, consider if the relationship is worth your time or not. Leverage Your Relationship If he can somehow help you in life by making you more successful, paying your bills, or buying you a home, then you have gotten something to show for your time. Be Truthful to Yourself It's a matter of being honest with yourself. If he is married and has no intention of leaving his wife, then he may have been dating many women over the years. Usually when a man has this pattern, he dates the woman until she begins to expect more out of him. Then, he dumps her, finds another woman to sleep with before getting rid of her when she gets tired of being a doormat. The truth is, a guy will string you along as long as you will let him. It's up to you to look out for yourself and avoid being taken advantage of. I am not being judgmental here. But if your guy plays with you for free and then goes home to his wife and plays the husband while you sulk, you are only torturing yourself and being a hooker who works for free. This way when the time comes that you are not together anymore, at least he helped you pay your mortgage. Before you go off on a rant about how expecting or wanting money or gifts is prostitution and that it's all about the love here, remember that dating a married man is not exactly moral either. The difference here is at least you are not being raked over the coals as you would be if you simply smile and put out like a good girl. You must be realistic here and accept that what you are involved in is risky in many ways. One of the things that often destroys women in your situation is the shock of suddenly being dumped because of something that is happening in his marriage, or because of stress that you are causing him at home. I know you are probably thinking that you are in a unique and different situation because he truly loves you, and you love him, etc. But that is what they all say, and when stress and reality get involved, people's emotions and decisions tend to be all the same after all. For nine years, my friend Darleen dated a man who was married and now regrets it. Her man told her that he loved her but because he had two children with his wife, he could not leave her. He also said that he no longer slept with his wife, but that they had an understanding. Darleen would tell me that if he could leave his wife for her, he certainly would and that her man often showed great concern for whether or not she was cheating on him. Love Is Blind Yes, love is blind. I found myself angry quite often as I told Darleen that if he loved her he would divorce his wife rather than play this game with her. Poor Darleen had excuses for everything. She got on her high horse by stating that if a man has kids he can't leave. I happen to have known several highly moral men who divorced their wives even though they had two or three kids. After the divorce, they took care of their children at least half of the time. The truth is, a man will change his life around and do anything to win you over if he truly does love you. If he is content to have sex with you and makes no move to make a permanent life with you, then you must understand that he does not see you as being very important. Or not important enough. If He Really Loved You. I know that your ego does not want to accept that fact but put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. If you were with a man who you were not having sex with and who you did not love, and you had this man on the side who you truly did love and had a great connection with, would you be content to go home to the man you did not really want, knowing that your lover is single and could easily find someone who is available for him full time? The thought of it probably sends you into a cold sweat. Men are concerned with having their woman all to themselves. It is actually proof of disinterest on his part if he does not care who you are with and what you are doing. If he sees you as a valuable woman, he will know that other men are after you, and he will want to make sure that he gets you before someone else does. Making Excuses Darleen made excuses for her married lover for years, and she believed him when he told her that he could not stand his wife and never touched her. After listening to her talk about their intimate discussions, I figured out that her lover had caught on to the fact that Darleen seemed to accept him going home to his wife as long as he and his wife were no longer sleeping together. Things got a little tricky when his wife suddenly became pregnant. Darleen worked in a building across the street from her lover's wife and was able to spy on her every so often. Darleen's guy informed her that his wife had been bugging him for years to have another baby, and he finally gave in. Not that they were sexual or anything—he explained that in order to touch her, he had to get drunk. The wife had marked the calendar for the day when she was fertile, and they did it just that once in order to have a baby. If he seems content to let the relationship go on for years as it is, you should see that he is using you for some fun on the side. So, by all means, date other men. Remember, it's not cheating on your part because he is married. What Cheating Means I hear that one a lot. Otherwise, you will find yourself rejected by your married lover and you will be left alone. Date on the side to keep yourself from becoming too attached to this man and to keep reality in perspective. When Darleen finally listened to me and began to see other men, her viewpoint changed dramatically. Her married lover began to only see her for sex. They were meeting in hotels and were meeting in his car after work. Darleen was not even getting a meal out of it. Sometimes they would go to a bar and have a few drinks and then go to his car. What a waste of her time. Freedom When she began putting her photo on dating sites, she felt more powerful because she could see that there were a lot of other guys out there. Some of these guys took her to exciting places, bought her nice gifts, and even offered her spending money. What's the best cure for a man? The answer is another one! When you have a man abusing your emotions, don't feel guilty about seeing what else is out there. My wife has been the best blessing that God has ever giving to me and i was scared i would lose her to someone else thats why i contacted you guys for help and you delivered me from my doubts. I went through all her messages on my phone as soon as you hacked into her cell and i found out she has never been cheating on me. She cares about me,our son and now i never have to worry about losing her ever again. I will never forget the big favor you helped me the hackerfrank001 at g mail dot com or text him on [phone]. He can never do anything more to u that have uncountable and numerous sex with u. My experience here is short and to the point I knew this man for a short time but my guts didn't trust him I kept on making excuses for him. But I could not take it to the point where he will be with me and kept on calling his wife in my presence these when on for some time. Like seriously all I needed was fun but it should came with some respect. We both know that we are 'special' friends with benefits. The first time I met him, at work, I got attracted to him and then I saw his wedding ring, for a while I got sad. But he kept being him who is a great man and we got closer and we laughed together. I liked him again and fantasized about him. Then we kissed and kept doing it and after a month I invited him to my place. I was a virgin then, we did everything except penetration. It was my choice. He comes over 3-4 times a week and hooked up at work too. One day, he texted me that we needed to lay low because his wife got suspicious. She saw him parked at the corner of the street by their house on his phone. He said it was a call from work. He never called or texted for 3 weeks. I got mad because he can't even text me even if he's at work. We were in different departments then Then he reached out and we talked in person. I told him that he has 3 priorities. I told him that we will never have a future together my point was, to keep his family. I knew where I stand, I never wanted to be his wife, I would love to but I am not expecting and I want to be a mother in the future and he's already fixed so that would be a problem. I am not a homewrecker. I don't ask for money, he did give me flowers and candies then but I'm not expecting more because his wife might be suspicious with his credit and I don't want to get him in trouble and I still want to keep our relationship. We talk about his kids most of the time and I respect him and his family. We both know that I will be with someone who I can be with for the rest of my life. Btw, I gave my vcard to him and for now, we are still having fun. The same is here. First of all, the question seems objective but it is not. It is rather subjective and has a full length of ifs and buts. The strongest of the things in the universe that is love sees no boundaries. So, if it is not wrong to fall in love, loving a married man is also no wrong. Even if it is not wrong to love a married man, it is wrong to keep a relation with him. So no way in this wide world I would accept him to sleep with another woman. Luckily, I found that man for 17 years and still going strong.... A married man said he loved me, and I am telling you the chemistry is VERY strong. Bottom line, I don't share a man with any woman as long as I live. If I die yes, he can sleep with other woman. If he or I cross the line. Just simple as that. So that said, I don't sleep with a married man who also sleep with his wife. AGAIN, I DON'T share a man with another woman. I said that I do that with my clear consciousness. So if you allow or accept the situation whether you like it or not, I am sorry but sounds like you are NOT a strong person at all. You're your worse enemy. I RESPECT MYSELF ABOVE ALL. NO MARRIED MAN is worth it. Many and many things cook inside you. You just do not know what is happening with you and what should be done? You are in constant fix over the point that either wrong is happening to you or it is you are who is doing the wrong? The sense of guilt starts to take over you and your affair with man and makes the situation go even worse. But that even teaches you a lot of things. Most of the married men who have affair with other women are found to cheat even the girlfriend. They have commitment issues. You can get amazing look at about dating a married man. They are military so they rushed into a relationship and he already filed for divorce. She is deployed, but now she is coming back. He claims he is going to finalize everything and make sure his name is off everything, but im not stupid. He is ex military so they have that connection that I would never understand. After all he loved her enough to marry her even though they only dated for two months and she asked him first. When she gets back in town they are gonna have sex. I already cut things off with him, but he refuses to let me go. We dont even have sex. Its been almost a month. Agin his wife is away and we been on this rollercoaster for 3 years. I got a boyfriend... He told me is wife got deployed but they are separated and he filed for divorce. I dont trust him so i dont have faith he will go through with finalizing the divorce. I literally wanted to cry. It made me feel special. Come to find out his phone broke the day after I ended things. So I called his job and he was happy to gear from me and we laughed about the situation. The sad thing is he was telling the truth about his phone. I told him that we shouldnt still see eachother anymore and he should definitely focus on his wife! I dont want to be the reason he is getting a divorce! I want him to try one last time when sge gets back and I love him enough to see that he is happy without me. I got love with a married man with 2 sons. We started our relationship with truth in our family. He has 2 kids I have one. We are in relationships since 5 yrs. Even it is very hard and painful that when you know your love is having sex with his wife though you left your husband for him. He is saying he can't leave his wife and kids and me too. M really in depression and stress. I couldn't handle the situation anymore. M getting away from all happiness then also I can't leave this man. Why I have been chosen to have such depression. I want to come out but I can't leave him. I have told him. Don't leave them but please marry me, I want to stay with you atleast twice a week. It is very painful when he leave me everyday in a lonely world. Now I m feeling so lonely and he is having dinner with his family. Really I don't want to live. I m fail in life. I left my husband I ruined my life but I can't get him. I have never related to an article this much. I'm falling for a married man and it's making me soft. I didn't plan to fall for him, I just wanted someone who's not fully available to hang out with. These days I don't mind paying for dates and I rarely ask for money from him. Reading this I think I should sober up and start making it worth my time. You're right, he's not sacrificing it all for me, why the hell should I! When we first met he said he haven't been married nor has any kids. Last year I have visited him and he showed me around his hometown and we even visited his mothers grave. I felt for the 1st time he shared something personal. Last year he proposed to me and we are planning to get married in aug, 2018. I have had this strong intuition during these years being with him he has been cheating on me. But I just ignored this suspicious feeling. The last 3 years he has been eager to start a family with me. Right now I am at his apartment all alone while he says he is 'working'. While he has been working the last 4 days I have been snooping around his place. The first day I found out he had 4 kids and a wife saw hidden letters and pictures. I was devastated and really sad. The next day I found out he was divorced with 2 children. And I calculated that he was going through this divorce and was married later with this other woman with 4 kids and seeing me at the same time. I feel hurt because of his dishonesty and disrespect and much more. I developed feelings for him but I haven't confronted him yet about what I know. Yesterday he I asked him to sign the marriage license papers and he seemed reluctant and then he said he would contact his lawyer first because of the marital status would change his taxes. I am torn because this is exactly what happen with my father. He cheated on my mom with several woman. I felt resentment towards him and called his women for prostitutes. Now I am in the same situation being the other woman. I am in my late 30s and I am somehow desperate to have children and I feel like my clock is ticking, I feel sorry for his wife and kids who sees him as a hero - read it from his kids letter with a drawing on them. Maybe I am being selfish just to have kids with him but I feel like I don't have the time to find another man. Honestly I don't think the marriage license would be signed. I know it's wrong to continue a relationship with him, but I have invested so much time and feelings that it would be hard to have a life without him. Anyone who has experienced this conflict of staying or leaving a married man? He has never said that he is unhappily married or shown me dreams of getting married to him. He has been very straightforward from the start. Even while he proposed he said he knows this is wrong but he can't stay away from me. We have discussed about our feelings a hundreds times and have tried to put an end to this but somehow we keep getting back. He makes me his priority always. From the time I open my eyes till I close them he is constantly in touch with me. He shares all his problems, tensions with me. Our relationship is nt only abt sex. He guides me , supports me gives me good advices and looks out for me. He never misses an opportunity to make me feel special. I have a great bonding with his son too. He even discusses his son's progress with me. We both don't want to give him a broken family. Bt if incase he ever decides to leave her i m ready to accept his son with open arms. N this has been going on for the past 6 yrs. Our passion hasn't dropped even 1 %. Initially i used to hope tht he might marry me. But the way this relationship has shaped out marraige no longer seems important to me. Maybe i m going crazy.... But i want to stay in this relationship. This relationship is far better than the one i had with my ex hubby. N also he is very caring towards my daughters.... Neither of us are dependent on another for financial reasons. We are independent bt dependent emotionally. Well does anybody out there understand this relationship? If a guy is sleeping with a married woman, does she have to support him financially? I honestly don't get it. A little old fashioned maybe? I find myself sleeping with a colleague that is married with two kids. I don't feel good about the fact that he is married, but I am not doing it because he may support me financially or because he may help me buy a house or whatever. This sounds like prostitution to me, which in my point of view is a lot better than what I am doing, but that's beside the point. I am sleeping with him because he makes me feel desired and wanted. He gives me pleasure like I haven't experienced before. It is my choice to be part of this, and this has nothing to do with money. How does making him support you financially make things any better? It would make me want to kill myself if after having passionate sex with me, he sent me some money or dropped some notes on my bed. I own up to the fact that I am a horrible person for doing this, I cannot justify it or make excuses. It is a selfish, demeaning and foolish act and that's the end of it. I don't want him to leave his family. I love my independence and seeing him sporadically and with no emotional complications suit me well. It sucks and it's a choice, so if it sucks that much, move away or deal with the consequences. You may not have a clue but you are being complicit in the absolute destruction of another's life. Your actions will VERY likely cause them to develop PTSD when they find out. If you don't believe that, you need to take a big step back and look at some of the current research about relationship traumas and betrayal. I mean absolutely NOTHING positive that comes from cheating. It is a cancer upon the lives of everyone involved. So here is a general principle: when it suffers, let it suffer. Then you will know what to do. You all need to step up to try yo think through your own problems. And lastly, you earn a good life by yourself, not anyone else. We do not stay in the same country. He comes to my country every two months for work then we meet each other. On his first visit, we've gone out a couple of times and he actually asked for other times to be with me although back then I'm in an open relationship with another guy hence I really don't pay attention to him. After his first visit, he went back to his home country and continued chatting and keeping in touch with me. By that time, I have not much interest in him as the other guy I dated and I decided to be exclusive. Unfortunately, the other guy has issues with commitment and isn't emotionally available so I ended our relationship. Then the first guy messaged me asking why I've been quiet and whether I've been upset. I thought it's an opportunity to forget the other guy so I reconnected with this guy. We went on chatting for a month before he came back to the country where I'm at. We met and I introduced him to my friends. My friends liked him and I did see that he was able to mingle with us inspite the fact that we are totally from different cultures. After that meeting, I went home with him to his hotel. And we had sex. That is my first time to have sex with anyone. It's not because I'm saving it for marriage but because my gut feel tells me whether I should do it or not. But for some reason with this guy, I felt a deep connection with and I never had hesitations to do it with him. We spent all the days he was here together. I even took care of him when he got sick. Then we even had a night when we just cuddled and no sex involved. He was gentle and respectful all the time. He left for his country again, we continued chatting and he's not the type who chats. I opened up my thoughts about it and I did see that he exerted more effort in keeping in touch with me. Our messages are filled of I miss yous and I can't wait to see you messages. I've never been more patient with anyone than I was with him. Then after a month, something urged me to research about him. I found his linkedin account then his fb. I never like adding the guy Im dating on social sites to avoid me seeing his past life. But what I found out after a week of stalking is heartbreaking. I was led to a fb page of a woman who is married to him. They've been together for 11 years and married since 2013. They don;t have kids. I have never done anything like this. But I like you and that's why I never had the nerve to tell you the truth. Because I believe that it's better to hurt the person with the truth than make him happy with a lie. I stopped all connection with him after that. But my heart hurts so much whenever i remember that he's the one that I've give my whole self to. We went to Mexico and he paid for the trip and I paid for airfare so a sugar daddy he was not. No contact for almost a month but I keep thinking about him. He told me was married and never said he would leave his wife and I never asked him to just thought someone else would come along a lot sooner. It hurts not having him in my life and it hurt when he was in my life because I was never his priority ever. I have been with my guy over 7yr. We have had ups and downs. He has been honest from the beginning. And we have love and trust but I'm not unrealistic I know he most likely won't leave. I've met other guys and dates. Add to the mix another married man. They know about each other. I love them both for different reasons. As long as you can live with it and know what's real. I really live this man but just the mixed feelings killing me... He shows so much interested in me... Could you please email me rosemariewalker363 yahoo. I am just emotionally drain right now I want him for my self but its just taking to long.. I love him do want to leave because of his situation but its hard to do.. I'm just having the bunch of mixed feelings right now... We've been in relationship for almost 3 years then he decided to go for arranged marriage. I was so broke and so down that he just decided so fast without thinking of our relationship. I can't blame his culture and his family's plan for him. So, I still keep in touch with him even after his marriage and he is giving response as well that he still loves me and don't want to leave me. I know it's unfair for me now, knowing that He has wife now and I am waiting for him to come back to me. I have been knowing this guy since last June and dating him now for 9 months. We have alot in common but what i think i love most about him is that he's been honest from jump. We live 3 hours away so we don't really see each other much. Yet we talk everyday. He has 2 kids with his wife and they have been married 17 years. I have never dated a married man before and i told him i had no intentions on being with one!! Totally against everything i stand for but what do you do when he's everything you need. He calls my kids and ask them how there day went at school, keeps them in line, sings to them, and they love him but never met him. I on the other hand love him but i do see other guys to keep me from falling head over heels. He dont tell me sweet nothings but i can always tell through his actions that he do love me as well. I have nothing but respect for him and he has respect for me. He says its ok if i see other guys but i know for fact that was a whole lie. I think man i need to really let this go cause he never will. He's saying and doing more each day to prove to me that he cares for me and i don't even think he realizes it. I love him but i know im going to have to let it go. He thinks we will still remain friends but i don't know if i could. My ex husband left after over 9 years, but it did not work out with the mistress or wife number 2, so I guess you could say he had a big dose of karma and to be quite honest the mistress did me a big favour, as I think I am much better off without this cheating scumbag. There are plenty of hot,decent single men out there waiting for a good woman to love them,what's the allure of dating a married man? Its not like they would ever love you,leave their wives for you,treat you as an equal or marry you,so what's the allure? Believe me ladies,I know how hard finding a great guy is,but they are out there. I will not judge any woman who chooses to do that because that's life things happen, but you need to be strong if you want to play. And hell ya the single life! I love coming home whatever the time i want! No difference even if he threatens with suicide. If he really does commit suicide, then it's better he stay dead instead of continue to insult my IQ. So it all depends how ruthless you can be and how much you want to love yourself. Here is a quote from Coco Chanel: As long as you know men are like children, you know everything! What the hell does my status have to do with your editor or whatever whoever writes? Either some staff saw my comment and sent me that promotion, or a data analysis machine sorted me to that promotion. Either way my privacy feels invaded and I will thus unsubscribe from all the feeds from this website. But I will find a way to reply my dear Diana since she cares to be curious about my story. I'm currently in a relationship with a married man for around half a year. He made it clear from the beginning that he's married and has one son but not having sex anymore with his wife for years. I felt happy in the beginning because I know that he loves me even until now. But then my happiness turns to guilt when he begins to spend more of his time with me; even keeps texting me all day and calling me when he's home. Also, he never hesitates to show his feeling in public area, such as holding my hand or kiss and hug me. However, when I talked to him about the future, he said firmly that he cannot leave his family. I wouldn't lie that this relationship puts me in a dilemma. I feel left behind and lonely every time he comes home to his family, but at the same time I feel guilty if he spend more time or money with me than his family. All this feeling makes me unhappy, I can't feel the joy of the relationship. I openly talked about all my feelings to him and said that I want to break up. Come to think of it, I had asked for break up twice, but he always cried and begged me to stay in his life because he said he loved me so much and that I was the gift that he's got in his ruined life. I don't see why he doesn't want to let me go. What's the point of having this kind of relationship? Last month I got pregnant, and he immediately asked me to abort the pregnancy. I was really really depressed, it made me so stressed and had miscarriage. He was there, took care of me 24 hours for weeks until my health condition was better and no further doctor check up needed. I have a feeling that maybe, maybe he really loves me, but he's too comfortable with his married life to sacrifice anything for our relationship. Now I am here sitting alone, typing on this comment while he's at home with his family. I am now thinking of seeing other guys behind his back, but I don't know if it is fair for him, because he's always truthful to me as far as I know. Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man? Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness. Read my story than you know why I'm telling you that. Man will not tell the thruth because they know but that not all women are wlling to date a married man. Thats right but its the choice for the other woman to make. I dated a married man for 3 years. He lied about being married with children and about his age. Im a woman and i know the diffrent between a body of a man and a boy.. And i was like or you shure you have told me the thruth about your age? The next day i went back i saw my picture was delete. I told him i want her picture to delete also. After a few days i went back and her pic was still there. I ask Again and he said he dont know how to remove pics from fb. That i should do it. From that point i start getting susspicious. And i start my research. So i started with his emails.. Because the woman i saw on his fb was not even his wife. I saw messages between him and that woman. I saw messages on Messenger he was telling someone go and bring money for wife to pay my children school fees. I was in shock. I felt like my heart has dissapeared. At that point he was not only fooling me. From my country and his country. The wife is leaving in his country. And í think thats why it took me that long to find out. Because he had enough time for me. I cofronted him the same day he was shocked also. I told him when I ask question you better answere them because if i want to know something i will.. I can go far so he appoligized, kneel down telling me his wife is leaving in his country and he lied about his age because of his paper to stay in this country. But i didnt ask because i knew the whole story already. Then he start crying he wanted to tell me But everytime there was something else and because i was sick he was affraid of the affect on my condition. I mean 3 whole years. I was not sick when you first met me. From the start is ok with the secrets, but not when you see that the relationship is getting serious thats the time you can still make it up and tell the truth.. But after that i stopped trusting him. When i was calling And he didnt answere, when he was on his phone. When he was touching me i couldnt stand it. I started nagging for the little things. And so i decided to stop the relationship. I felt like it was not my choice, because if i knew, i would'nt start a relationship with him.. Im even thinking to informed the immigration service that he lied about his age to get his staying here because im still angry,. So this was my story. My advice to yall ladies out there, be carefull and think before dating a man. For now i will enjoy my single life. And all the men should stay the hell of me! As someone commented before, this is just going to be a fling. I have no interest in interfering in his family at all, well if you want to criticize what I want to do I have to say I am a human and thus should be allowed to follow my heart sometime. I have no desire for him to divorce his wife at all. He actually once hinted to me about a future. Indeed, my ambition is too big to be trapped by a man or two, even if he or them might be the love of my life, in different ways. So I am going to be stubborn and thus impolite to you: I am going to use my own money to fly to see him. You are blunt and your writing is logical and organized, but also humorous and entertaining. I have been hanging out with one of my exes now and it is MAJOR relief and we are surprisingly reconnecting wonderfully and realizing we are more compatible than we once believed. I realize - and especially upon discovering your article - I am a truly free individual and it is hypocritical and presumptuous of a married man to demand fidelity from his mistress. Think and act like a man for happiness, as well as the putting the shoe on the other foot analogy helped me immensely... I am now beginning to reach clarity, I think, I just feel so scared to end it. Thanks again for the great article! He sees me at two breaks at work, 30 mins once a week in the morning and that's it. Never buys me lunch or dinner, never takes me out, no gifts , yet I do counless gifts and things for him. He will never leave his wife of 20 years although she never has sex w him. He has become hateful since he has a lot of pain and medical issues. He says he loves me. Can't let me go but sometimes I wish she would find out so it would be over. God this is such a paranoia. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find that one that truly cares for me. This feels like the one thing that I just have to do. There will be no future, but I have to do this to save myself. I know you think now that you can stay emotionally detached and you are not interested in anything more than a fling. Trust me, you will be hurt. You will get even more attached and waste your youth pining for this person who is using you. I know you think he loves you, and maybe there's part of him that cares about you and I know you think you're different or this is different, and I'm sure you're a beautiful, young, intelligent woman, but please you will be hurt. Think of it this way, if he really loved you, he would visit YOU. Don't make excuses for him. We all have some kind of being with a married man stories, don't we? I met a man in Europe while I was studying abroad. I don't want to specify the country for privacy reason I was working on publishing a paper and needed someone more experienced. He agreed to help and then we got closer. I only stayed in that country for 2 days so we mainly kept in contact via Internet afterwards. We stayed in contact for about a year and then the communication gradually stopped. I had a American boyfriend a little older than me but eventually broke up. I am very young, still a college student in the U. He is much much older than me, definitely older than double of my age. And I know from the beginning that he is married. We had skyped and I can see the ring. But he is just so mature, charming, and intellectual stimulating. And it's only after I broke up with my American boyfriend that I realized I love that European man. I think it is the very first time that I realize I love someone. I think he loves me too, from many details. Although we are not in contact, I feel I just know it from a woman's sixth sense. I've been thinking working hard after graduation to save money to fly to Europe to see him. I've read the following posts which all seem to come to the conclusion that being a mistress will only hurt you. But I'm not interested in his wife. Indeed, I am not interested in anyone's ex I also have no interest in wrecking his family. I think he has kids with his wife I want to go all the way to see him just for the sake of love. If it hurts afterwards, then let it hit. I am not afraid. I am thinking about doing a master's degree in his city. I don't know how this will change the outlook. This is the first time that I post something on an online forum. In that time I met his really yummy younger brother. We spent a lot of time together and both knew we had chemistry. But he had a serious girlfriend at the time. He always told me he thought I was too good to be involved in an affair. I listened to him and broke it off with his brother shortly after he left town. The thing is he also asked me to marry him that night. How do I say yes? What do we say to his brother? I suggested we can all meet for drinks before the gig, either in the city or at my place. I got kind of pissed with that realization and decided to go forward and just resign before he asks me. I can't even explain why or what was I thinking at that time. I even got a chance of rolling my eyes over picture of him on the beach, which was clearly taken by his wife. I never asked him about moving out or a divorce, I only asked him to finally talk with me. Actually I've asked about that 35 times only this year. He always agreed, but obviously never did it. Now I fell he moved out because it was easier to have sex with me that way plus he didn't have to come home late and make up excuses what a clever boy. But first I discovered he's spending weekends with his wife and nope, not because of the kid, but some event. At this point I got mad, because he asked me a ton of question and I never kept a secret from him about meeting somebody or going somewhere. So I was mad and pregnant. I decided to terminate the pregnancy, and informed him about it. His father started to loose his health over that brother situation - I was supportive. I never said a bad word about him changing plans last minute to go who knows where to save his unstable brother yet again. I gave him some advice how to deal with that guy, but he ignored it now I think it's because my advice would actually do the job and therefore deprive him of his favourite excuse. I don't want to sound mean here, I know everybody has his own problems. He met my parents as a friend, I cannot tell them the truth and some of my friends, I met none of his. I just got fed up with hearing all the same empty words and seeing no actual action or caring. Moreover, there is not a thing to go back to, don't you think? Maybe the circle has closed, soon he's going on holidays wit his son, I wouldn't be surprised if the wife joined, too. He's lease is ending this month, so the doors of coming back home are wide open. Only this time I really don't care anymore. Maybe not being in love saved me from feeling pain, but all this months made me feel just empty. Even though I can recall the good moments, I only feel this was a complete waste of time. So for all the girls thinking about being a mistress: just run. You can be super chill, supportive and have your own life going on, but you'll still be drained, sad and used. I know some says. The best cure for a break up is to build self esteem. Be sucessful and bla bla bla. But J's wife is a professional working woman. Come from a good background family. And she still got cheated. But i seriously losing faith and dont trust man anymore. So Im busy building my career for me n my baby. Later im gonna fly away from this relationship. Because i know this relay is not going anywhere. I dont even want j to leave her wife because. I cant trust him. I have 1kid with previous husb. Been dating J since i was married, but we had problematic marriage as hes a gay. After i divorce he started paying for my house and bill. He never lie to me abt his wife. He admit they have sex but seldomly. They trying to have kid. At the same time, some guy w is trying to get my attention. J knows about W. I am happy with J. I have my own work, kid and nice good sex. I dont even have to take care of him all the time. Im younger than him so many years. Sometimes J said wanna have kid. But i have trauma to have a kid as my previous husband didnt care abt me and baby.. Sometimes i snaped and pushing J's away. Because im feeling guilty and at the same time i dont want to leave him because im comfortable right now. I love the sex... He also told me that he and his wife are not truly in love even they're living together for over 13 years. I didn't believe him at first but day by day, he always cares and make me feel special that no one can do and i realized that i fell for him truly. I'm trying not to bc I don't want to become a third person. But he's too amazing, he's wonderful... I love him more and more even i'm trying not to. Please let me know how to cut him out of my life. Been dating a man for 6months now and he swears that he is not sleeping with his wife at all,that they are only raising their 9Year old daughter till she is of age to handle the situation but i just dont belive that he loves me. My instincs just sense that he is playing me for a fool which is almost true. I just needed a smater way to handle him because in all honesty,i love him so much and though i am ashamed of myself,I am not quitting yet. I had suspicion of the man I fell in love with seeing other women as well when I got in his truck and his passenger seat was laying down one time. This article helps me see clearer and more rational to the emotional abuse marriedmen can really put on women. Thank you for this article! I know what I need to do for myself now. I feel like a butt of a joke. I end it but he calls me or texts me telling me how much he needs me. And its something i love seeing. But i think i know he does it on purpose... Theyve been together for ever. They just had a weekend get away for their anniversary and he messaged me every day they were away. And he met me the next day after they had come back. I felt a connection from him since day one. How can i walk away and keep it that way. He seriously is crushing my heart. Better you move on with your life. I have been in the same situation and been hanging there for 5-6 years. He told me same.... Still hasn't and kids are 18 up. Wants another 5 years. In the beginning of dating we didn't have sex too and he kept giving me hopes for the future and was saying he isn't intimate with the wife and they sleep separately... Shouts at me every now and then. And am so stuck to get out this rut. My advise leave it.... Don't fall in love with him. Biggest mistake I made when I fell in love with a guy who can't provide you with a future but promises Which he will NEVER fulfil. When we first started talking I thought he was divorced. I knew immediately at our first date that he was a man of honesty and integrity. He has two 15 year old daughters who are on the low spectrum of autism. After our second date he told me that because of all the care that his daughters need he and his wife have not divorced. I ended our dating relationship immediately but continued to talk to him as a friend. Both of our feeling kept growing so I started dating him again but I have not had sex with him. He has told me that he and his wife had not had sex for 3 years and that they are just roommates, separate bedrooms. I have told him the problem that I have dating someone who is married whatever the reason. I told him that I am looking for a partner in life not someone to just have fun with. He agreed but his plan was to get divorced when the girls turn 18 because they would get disability that would help take care of them and he would not feel like he is abandoning them. I told him I would never wait that long. Here is the plan that we have come up with. We are going to date and then if things get serious he is going to tell his wire and come up with a plan to get a divorce but still take care of his girls. I am not sure if I should continue to date? I can only say that he is everything that I am looking for except that he is married due to circumstances. We have had a lot of communication about what my needs are and what I am expecting moving forward and he had agreed to meet my needs and expectations. My boyfriend is married, we've been together for almost 7 months. History: We've known each other for 10+ years, I almost went to work for him in 2008. Yes, my boyfriend is not only married, but he's also my boss. We also go to the same CrossFit gym and are workout partners from time to time that's how we reconnected, he tried to hire me a few times. And, we also run together 4x per week. We have a lot of little bits of togetherness everyday. And you're not going to hold yourself back for me. I knew how this relationship was going to go. Fast forward 7 months - we are in love with each other, love being with each other and he's now getting a divorce. This changed the deal. We were not supposed to fall inlove with each other. He was not going to get a divorce. Ugh, I don't know what to do - to breakup or not breakup? One one hand, I want to stay by his side, be there when he needs me, his best friend, through this tough time. I feel like I would be abandoning him during this difficult time. I know he's very busy at work and has more than enough. But at the same time, I don't ask for a whole lot and making some time for me, say one hour a week of quality face to face time a week isn't much. He's told me to give this divorce and us time and asked that I be patient. He does realize that if I were to meet someone, I have every right to go out on a date with someone else that too was part of the deal - I don't hold myself back for him. I want to stay, but then again I don't. This is absolute torture. I'm also afraid as to how our relationship ends. At least not for me, that's my luck. So, I also struggle with - should I continue to delay the inevitable or grab my ovaries of steel and end the relationship now while we are ahead we've not been caught, no one suspects our affair, etc. Dated him for 6 years. He kept saying he wants to leave his wife. First he said he will leave her in 5 years once his kids go to Uni. Last year he said he wants to leave after another 5 years. Now he is saying he doesn't know. His kids are in uni and still hasnt. He takes his wife and family on holidays at least 5-6 times in a year. He says he is not intimate with her. We are hardly having sex, meet may be once a week for 20 mins or so and don't talk much on the phone now. He made me reduce all this by shouting at me that he has other things to do. When he is back he apologises and we continue. Last 2 years I have been clinging on to this relationship with a fear of being lonely and not finding love. I get jealous of his wife and convince him to spend time with me. I keep getting sucked in this relationship and find it hard to leave... I know there is no future to this. Counselling has not helped me. Part of me wants to move on and find someone else. The other part of me is accepting emotional abuse from him with a hope that he will be with me. Am totally finished and hurting every day. It's not that you've been in this job for a long time so it's not hard to leave. Your boss married for 10 and now there is a baby involve too. Please leave him and his family alone. I know it's hard but it NOT impossible. I do it myself. I never have sex with the married guy but I cut off the relationship - and time will heal all sorrow - also you left him it makes you a strong woman and you do the right thing for leaving the job and leaving a married man for everyone's including yourself sake. You can do it. The answer is another one! I beg to disagree. The best 'cure' for a man is to build up your self-esteem to a point where you're not seeking validation from a lying cheat. To have a rich, fulfilling life and the resources to make wise decisions about who you hop into bed with... I recently reconnected with a guy that I was with in HS. I have been in love with this man all these years even though we went on with our lives, married and had children with our spouses. We reconnected over FB messenger. Come to find out after talking with him he has felt the same way about me all these years he mentioned it first. We have met once and it was really nice to see him, we talk and text daily and are planning another meeting soon no sex. There has been talk about the future and we both agree that it is not in either of our best interest to leave our spouses. I know it's wrong but being around him brings out something I haven't felt in years. Other posts mentioned being jealous of his wife, I can say I am not jealous of her or the life they have together. We have a friendship that will last a lifetime albeit one that our spouses do not know about. In America you are not lower than a man, which means that you don't share a husband with several other women. You are headed for a life of abuse and misery if you don't dump him ASAP...... Even then, be careful. Muslims are known to disfigured women who they cannot control. I have personally witnessed some horrific things. These men are just not worth any of your time.... The majority of cheaters have no desire to replace one relationship with another. So you should know you are his secondary relationship. So basically you are his mistress and that's all you will ever be. Should you deserve to be in a primary relationship with someone who truthfully love you? His love is not truthfully because he is selfish and just use you and cheat on his wife and lie to both of you. I suggest for you to get out. He told me he was married from the beginning but they had problems. He was my first boyfriend and the first person I ever fell in love with. In the beginning when I needed it he did help me financially but I don't need his help anymore. I don't really want him to divorce his wife at this point but I still want to see him. There are times that I feel a little.. However, instead of leaving him with hatred and anger. You should feel it with compassion. I suggest to think of it as a hard lesson learn. Also, don't hate him for who he is - you should FEEL SORRY for him and for his wife. With compassion and understanding you are not either hate him or agree with his action. If he cheated with you he will or may do it again with another woman. He is a cheater, he likes the thrill even though, it's just wrong. However, that's NOT important anymore at least with you. What is MORE IMPORTANT is for you to be free and leave happily with yourself. Bottom line, don't live your life with hatred but fill with love and compassion and forgiveness - first of all it will not only make YOU FEEL BETTER but also, it makes you a better person. It will help you to change yourself from inside out. So I wish you live happily with yourself and your heart will fill with love, compassion, understanding and wisdom. Also once you become a strong, happy, loving person, people will naturally want to be around you, want to be part of your life. You don't want to be someone who fills with hatred and revenge because that would be bad for the next guy right? I can't believe the change in me and it's definitely because I've learnt to love myself. If they don't choose you then choose not to choose them back. The shirt he gave me? I cleaned the toilet with it The picture he drew me? I set it on fire. Many many self help books later, many smashed glasses in temper, many wet pillows later I finally couldn't care less and what a relief. If he returns again I won't be responding not that he can find me now anyway unless he turns up at my work place but I've made it clear im off this rusty old rollercoaster. I don't want it.. Oh and the nice guy who is available and wants to date me I may just give him a chance now. I beg you to move on.. It's empowering and they will miss us in the end a hell of a lot more than we will miss them. Yeah he can find a replacement will she be as great as me? Nope it's defo his loss. Don't mean to sound arrogant but you have to believe in yourself, it helps and it helps so much to finally be angry at these men. They are staying in their unhappy marriages.. Leave them there to be sad and miserable and move on and be fun and fabulous. Then who's loss is it?? DO IT if I can.... It sucks too much energy from you and us women get to a point where we are exhausted with it. I got to that point. We are not 'trapped' with these men. On off on off for 13 years. I've done it last week.. And it feels good. Took me a longggg time to get here but I'm never going back now. Get out get out get out.. It's not worth the pain and hurt.. It will take time I know but I'm determined plus this is the first time I've ever rejected him. My cookie factory is now closed down!!! I feel so free. I've even bought a dog! Also, the time that you can be so vulnerable and weak and powerless when you found yourself FALL IN love. You FALL in and LOST your balance. The man's power he has over you. So if you can recover yourself or keep your balance during this period of time which means you don't have intimacy or getting addictive to the feeling of being closed to him. However, your current situation is he also have a wife. She is definitely has more leverage over you. He loves her so much enough to marry her. And Yes, I believe he also love you too very much. You're young, attractive, available and single - so many nice features about you - what is not to love and being loved right?. He can have both women at the same time YES. The point here is - will you accept that kind of relationship? OR you want him all to yourself? OR you can't have him at all. You must have the power to decide to get over the addiction of him, because I don't think he will leave his wife for you. UNLESS, you prove me wrong by showing that you can live without him by showing him that you can live without him by leaving him and let him decides EITHER you or his WIFE. Deep down you still hope he will leave his wife for you or PICK you and NOT her. If he belongs to you or want you so bad he will come to you but ONLY if you will make that happen and CHALLENGE him. You have to KEEP DISTANCE for a long time. No you can't be friend not if you in love. I know it's like honey on the knife. You like the sweet of honey but you can get cut by the knife. So final advice is to challenge him by leave him for as long as it takes and time will answer if he pick you or his wife. I wish you luck and you have to be strong. When I first met him, he told me he was divorced. It took about 9 months for me to eventually admit to myself that he is married. I knew all along,I just wanted to believe him. I spent money on getting a background check and ended up getting links to his wife's Facebook page. When I confronted him he told me that when we initially met, they were separated and that she moved back in 3 months prior to me finding out. I eventually fell in love with him during that time period. I know that he does love me because I have been in love before. He tells me that his attraction to me is the understanding we have and that his attraction to his wife is based on the fact that she is a good person. They do not have any children together. I never once thought I would be in this kind of situation but I do not know what to do. He was the first and only person I have been with since my ex passed away. He does a lot for me, more than anyone else has, he looks out for me, and makes sure I'm fed and school work is done. He is much older than me but I can not help how I feel about him. I have tried dating and it did not work. I still find myself with him at the end of the day. HELP A GIRL OUT. I understand that this boyfriend of yours has too much power over you. He lied to you that he divorced - he refused to sign divorced paper. He has 4 other kids with 4 other women. He is a cheater, a liar. He's REALLY REALLY is a MESS. He used women because the women like you let him too. You need to stay away from him as far as possible. If you have to move far away to a different state and start over again with your life. Don't waste your time much longer. The BIG problem here is NOT HIM but MORE like it's YOU. You let him totally control your life. You depend too much on him. You sacrificed too much for him and forget about what is really important in your own life. It's time to set your priority. Is it him or you and your daughter? I think you have to find answer within yourself. You need to take care of yourself, instead of concerning if he is divorce, if he really loves you, if he is the one for you. Looks to me he's NOT the one for you. You deserve better - you need to love yourself first by being independent and take control of your life. He is 15 years my senior and he is still married!!! Him and hi wife been married over 15 years and I can't continue on waiting for him to divorce her. He is about to become a Licensed Plumber which i helped him along the way. In the process of doing that I have sacrificed a lot to keep him happy. He told me he was divorced when I first meet him. His wife was a actually the one who told me in 2014 they were still married. When I found out I was mad but gave him time to divorce her! Still nothing, he keeps getting letters from her lawyer and he still refuses to sign them!!!! I lost my health care career taking a charge for him!! I have a felony record which is so difficult for me to start my nursing career! I love him so much plus he has 4 other kids with 4 other women plus I have his 2 year old daughter we had together!!! I met and love all his kids. They love me also but I can't go on another 7 years with a married man. She will get all his pension and benefits even tho he lives with me. He gets so defensive when I tell him you divorce her. Thank you for all of your input about this topic. I would not read this article if I was not in the situation. I have a boyfriend who I've dated for close to 16 years - we live in a separate house, we have up and down but we are a happy couple. He's 100 loyal and faithful to me and me too to him I know that. However, there is a twist when a married guy at work I was hanging out with at first I thought he is just a friend but then over time I felt in love. He also said he felt in love with me. There is a strong attraction, connection and a lot of fun when we hang out. I was smart enough to NOT ever hold hand or kiss or think about further than that. However, I knew if we continue hang out it may lead to that. He said he will cross the line - he told me he cheated on his wife once a long time ago. After hang out with him and try to understand about married cheating man - I know I am playing with fired but I always backed away when I know I am in the danger zone. Believe me it's a very strong force between a man and a woman when it comes to attraction. I am the one that decided to distance myself with him for over a month now - I plan to keep a distance a long as possible and I have no intend to hang out with him in the future. I can't be friends, we can't be lovers, but we are not enemy either. We work in the same building so I saw him from a distance sometimes, but that's it! Good luck ladies, BE STRONG - just STAY AWAY from married man no matter what. 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